Family Worship at Church
Sunday School/ Youth Groups
A Case against Youth Ministry and Education as it is Commonly Practiced
Part 6: Just Killing Time
Strong relationships with our children are built by the biblical use of a great deal of time together; walking with each other, talking with each other, listening to each other, worshiping together, working together, working through problems together, being close to each other, etc.
By the biblical use of time together, we can get to know our children like we ought to. We can get to know their strengths, their weaknesses, their fears, their worries, where they need discipleship, where they need discipline, where they need instruction, when they need reproof and rebuke and what they need prayer for. We can show them that we love them, care for them and that we have their best interests at heart. We can show them that we are here to help them, guide them and instruct them. We can show them that we are here to protect them and we can give them a consistent biblical example to follow. In short we can win their hearts! But take away the time and the relationships will necessarily wither.
Generally speaking, what consumes our time will capture our heart and “where our heart is, there our treasure will be also” (Matthew 6:21). In other words, what we focus our children’s time and energy upon will likely become their heart’s treasure. Focus your son’s time and energy on football and it is highly likely that he will begin to love and treasure football, focus his time and energy away from football and it is highly unlikely that he will come to love and treasure football. Focus your daughter’s time and energy on a career outside the home and she will likely come to love and treasure the idea of having a successful career outside the home. Time must be used carefully and thoughtfully.
For this reason it is nearly impossible for most of today’s parents to truly win the hearts of their children. Today’s families spend no time together. The average family’s week begins by father running off to his career, mother running off to her career and the children being left to be raised by emotionally disconnected strangers in daycare and school. While there is nothing inherently wrong with family members spending some time away from each other, the fact of the matter is that most families are almost constantly separated. Work, daycare and school separate families by day; while sports, extracurricular activities, hobbies and friends eat up the evenings. Nursery, Sunday school, children’s church and youth groups then separate the family on Sundays.
The most fundamental aspects of family relationships have been virtually destroyed in our day. The responsibility of teaching children has been taken away from the parents and given to “specialists” removed from the parents’ presence and now the parents no longer feel competent to teach their own children. Children are no longer instructed by their parents, or even in the presence of their parents, with the result that most children no longer view their own parents as competent instructors or even trustworthy counselors.
In addition to this, we have trained our young people to believe that they are here on Earth to be off having fun with their peer groups, doing whatever they happen to be interested in and that the family’s schedule is to revolve around their activities. The time and duties that God built into the family structure have been removed and/or parceled out to others with devastating consequences.
Most families have become little more than a group of individuals each doing their own thing that happen to sleep in the same house. The covenantal family structure, as God created it, has been disassembled and the members alienated from each other. The family has been shattered into a kind of lawless individualism and, sadly, we have come to view this as normal. But there are consequences to tearing apart God’s created order and there is an undeniable connection between the dismembering of the biblical family and the decay of society.
It is the family that supplies the members of the Church and the members of the State. It is the family which supplies the finances of the Church and the finances of the State. Strong godly families will bless the Church and State, while corrupt families will hurt both the Church and the State; fill the family full of problems and the Church and the State will suffer the fallout and will have to expend time, energy and resources in dealing with those problems. Listen to the words of Richard Baxter(1615-1691):
“A holy, well-governed family is the preparative to a holy and well-governed church. If masters of families did their parts, and sent such polished materials to the churches, as they ought to do, the work and life of the pastors of the church would be unspeakably more easy and delightful; it would do one good to preach to such an auditory, and to catechise them, and instruct them, and examine them, and watch over them, who are prepared by a wise and holy education, and understand and love the doctrine which they hear. To lay such polished stones in the building is an easy and delightful work…
Well-governed families tend to make a happy state and commonwealth; a good education is the first and greatest work to make good magistrates and good subjects, because it tends to make good men. Though a good man may be a bad magistrate, yet a bad man cannot be a very good magistrate. The ignorance, or worldliness, or sensuality, or enmity to godliness, which grew up with them in their youth, will show itself in all the places and relations that ever they shall come into.”
-Richard Baxter A Christian Directory
What better way is there to destroy the family than to dissolve their God-ordained relationships? Separate them, take away their time together and they cannot function as a family was intended to function. Separate them and then they cannot accomplish what God meant for families to accomplish in the lives of each other. Cause one generation to neglect their duties and the next will hardly know that those duties exist.
So what does all this have to do with Youth Ministries? Am I blaming all of societies problems on Youth Ministries? Not at all. The problem is much deeper than that, what I am saying is that the solution needs to begin with the church; the church should quit validating family dismemberment by mimicking the world’s family divisive ways.
Our children hardly make it out of the womb and we start stuffing them in the church nursery! The world has daycare; we have sanctified Sunday daycare. The world has segregated schools; we have segregated Sunday schools. The world has high school; we have youth groups etc, etc, etc. We mimic the world like a little boy who wants to do everything his big brother does.
Shouldn’t the church be leading the charge to put families back together? Shouldn’t the church counter the direction of the world rather than walking in the way with it? How can we keep segregating families and then bemoan the fact that they are falling apart? How can the church make families stronger if it keeps separating them? And if the church does not start bringing families back together and teaching them to fulfill their God given tasks and duties towards each other, who exactly is going to do it?
- In Conclusion
Dear brethren, you don’t have to be exceptionally observant to recognize that the family is languishing in our day. It is interesting to note that even some secular writers are beginning to understand what much of the church does not: that constantly separating families in the name of education is disastrous. John Taylor Gotto in his book Dumbing Us Down writes
“But no large-scale reform is ever going to work to repair our damaged children and our damaged society until we force open the idea of "school" to include family as the main engine of education. If we use schooling to break children away from parents—and make no mistake, that has been the central function of schools since John Cotton announced it as the purpose of the Bay Colony schools in 1650 and Horace Mann announced it as the purpose of Massachusetts schools in 1850 - we're going to continue to have the horror show we have right now.
The "Curriculum of Family" is at the heart of any good life. We've gotten away from that curriculum; it's time to return to it…”
Dumbing Us Down p.37
And again
“Yet it appears to me as a schoolteacher that schools are already a major cause of weak families and weak communities. They separate parents and children from vital interaction with each other and from true curiosity about each other's lives. Schools stifle family originality by appropriating the critical time needed for any sound idea of family to develop—then they blame the family for its failure to be a family. It's like a malicious person lifting a photograph from the developing chemicals too early, then pronouncing the photographer incompetent.”
Dumbing Us Down p.74
The constant separation is making family relationships very shallow at best. It is dissolving the very bonds that could potentially make it strong. We focus all of our children’s time and energy away from the family and then wonder why we don’t have their hearts as they get older? The family is divided and then we wonder why it has been conquered (Matthew 12:25)? We focus their hearts on everything but family and then wonder why they do not treasure it?
Why should the church give its stamp of approval to the world’s separation of families by having more separation? Why do that when there are other, more biblical ways to carry out discipleship? Shouldn’t families be together in the household of the Lord? Isn’t further separation about the last thing that most families need right now?









